Comparison – Friend or Foe?
I’m 16 and I can’t stop comparing myself to everyone around me. It feels like everyone is prettier, smarter, more confident, or just better. I’m constantly picking myself apart, and it’s exhausting.
Dear tired of not being good enough,
It is very difficult not to compare ourselves to others and not to focus on our perceived faults – especially during the teenage years, when everything seems to be magnified. Social media, school pressures, friendships… it can feel like you’re constantly being handed a mirror that only shows your “flaws” and never your strengths.
Comparison is the thief of all joy, and self-criticism is its sidekick. Together, they whisper lies that you start believing such as “I’m not enough” or “everyone else is better than me”. They feed off your insecurities and turn them into constant noise in your head.
So, what can you do?
- Recognise the Voice and Challenge It
Keep a diary and write down your thoughts to help you notice when you’re being self-critical. Is it your voice, or one you’ve picked up from others? Would you say those same things to a friend? If not, you don’t deserve to say them to yourself. Challenge the self-critical thoughts by taking your thought to court. Write down factual evidence that supports the thought and factual evidence against the thought – this has to be evidence that would stand up in court. After this, try and come up with a more balanced thought. - Limit the Comparison Triggers
TikTok perfection and Instagram boasting – most of what you see is filtered, curated, and doesn’t tell the full story. Try a digital detox or follow accounts that celebrate realness over perfection. - Celebrate Small Wins
Start a “done list” instead of a to-do list. Write down what you did accomplish each day, no matter how small. This helps shift your focus from what you think you lack to what you’ve already done. - Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Care About
Develop a habit of self-compassion. It’s not about pretending everything is great, it’s about being honest and kind at the same time. Instead of, “I never get anything right” try, “It’s ok to make a mistake, I can learn from it.” You could also keep a log of the things you are doing well rather than just focusing on your mistakes. - Talk About It
You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to someone you trust – a friend, your parent, a teacher or a therapist. I know it’s cliché but a problem shared really can be a problem halved.With kindness and truth, CirceCirce Jackson, BABCP Accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist